Dear Nigerian Government: Help us Accept Deregulation

So much has been said in the past few months regarding the merits, or otherwise, of the Federal Government of Nigeria's intention to remove fuel subsidy that energy expended beating this dead (and buried) horse would provide very little except fuel for mental exasperation. So let us look at it from a different perspective: since the FGN has failed to convince us all that deregulation is for our benefit, let us help our extremely busy officials understand what $0.98 (the rate at which the naira is going, there may be no point in using it as a reference currency. But that is a story for another day) per litre of petrol would do for us as individuals, and as a nation.


Dear Government Official, please empathise and apologise. Before you begin to pull the deregulation wool over our eyes, since we have our hands tied behind our backs and are pinned against the wall, have the decency to tell us that deregulation will hurt and that for that you're sorry. It may change how we think about it. On the other hand, it may not. But it will be on record that you appeared to give some thought to what this means to the average Nigerian - the one who lives everyday without the basic amenities of a civil environment and is a 'government' on his own - that you and your predecessors screwed up the economy big time, and that this may be one step to getting us back on the right track. Whether we will believe you or not is entirely up to us, but please show a little respect. Or at least pretend to.


Those sacrifices you talk about, how about taking the shears home and pruning the trees of profligacy you've been nurturing since the dawn of this 'nascent' democracy? Let's face it, it's not that the factor of corruption has increased; it's just that it has been spread over a much wider base. All boys have to eat, abi? So show us some seriousness by reducing the number of oversight vehicles, special assistants to special advisers, feeding allowances and all those frivolous familiarisation tours you and your cronies make. We'll even let you decide what to take away, just show us that you have indeed taken away something. Might just be a drop in the multi-billion subsidy sea, but you know what they say about little drops of water...


And this 'cabal' issue you keep using to fuel the angst of the people, it's not working for all of us. A few people know how a subsidy works: the supplier of the product has to make sure that it makes economic sense to provide at the recommended quantity and price, and that's why you give an incentive for him to do so. So, unless the PPPRA, PSF, PEF, DPR and even the guys at the almighty NNPC do not know what the international benchmark prices for these commodities are, or that these products were not delivered, you honestly cannot lay claim that the cabal consists of all the hundreds of names you have published. So we ask a few more questions, which we think will further aid our understanding. To help you: who are those that claim subsidy reimbursements without importing any petroleum products? Who are those that claim more than they are entitled per the guidelines? These are the members of the cabal you need to tell us and when you are able to do this, you will move up significantly up the transparency index. Right now you're are at below the lowest available points for honesty. Not that it matters to you, but we just want to let you know that we are well aware of your unscrupulous nature.


Now to the big reason (read excuse) you've been hammering as the main reason, because we are pretty sure that cabal story is just a ruse (there's supposed to be even a little honour among thieves, shouldn't there?): Infrastructure development. Like the Lagos - Benin Express way that is now an excavation site, or the power sector that has now become so epileptic in service delivery that it becomes a big deal when those connected to the grid get power for 24 (?) uninterrupted hours. How about showing some good faith by rolling up your sleeves first to get these projects off the proverbial drawing board? You know, just a glimpse BEFORE yanking our only share of the national cake would go a long way in making us believe a little bit that, when you do take away our little morsel, you intend to give something back. And no, cassava bread doesn't count.


Does anyone else have any ideas on how they can make this more believable? Or bearable? Cynics are most welcome.